


What Is And What Never Should Have Been

by UnfortunatelyObsessed



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Bonding, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Suicide, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 04:29:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13967352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnfortunatelyObsessed/pseuds/UnfortunatelyObsessed
Summary: Sam gets zapped to an alternate universe by a god, a universe where Jessica is still alive, the apocalypse was stopped, and everyone is happy.And, somehow, that hurts more than anything.





	What Is And What Never Should Have Been

**Author's Note:**

> There's a season 13 reference at the end, but you don't need to have seen it to understand what Dean's saying. Please enjoy!

"Grab him, Sam!"

The minor god darted just out of Dean's reach, running towards Sam. The guy was using magic of some sort, attempting to open a portal. Sam lunged at him just as the light swallowed them both.

Sam woke up, clutching his head and groaning. A few rocks were lodged in his back and the sun was doing NOTHING for his massive migraine. He heard gravelly footsteps approaching and shielded his eyes against the light for a better look.

"Hey, you okay there? Here, let me give you a hand."

The silhouette pulled him to his feet.

"You look like you just fell out of the..." The voice slowed down. "Sky..."

Sam finally got his bearings well enough to see the man in front of him.

"Gabriel?"

The confused look on the angel's face turned to a smirk. "So you do know me." Gabriel began walking circles around Sam, studying him. "You're not from here, are you?"

"I... I don't know- Gabriel, I thought you were dead!"

"Nope! I'm alive as ever. But back to the issue at hand. You're not from here. How did you get here?"

Sam looked around in confusion. "I don't know, I just got sucked in with some minor god and... Where is here, exactly?"

"Judging by your... aura, a different dimension."

Sam's eyebrows shot up. "What?"

"Yeah... Hey, I can help you but later, okay? I have to meet the other you at a diner in a few minutes. You can tag along if ya want."

"Um, okay, I guess?" Sam followed Gabriel, still not entirely sure what was going on. "Why are you meeting him? Me? ...Us?"

Gabriel arched one eyebrow at him. "It's his lunch time?"

"Are we... dating?!?!"

"Are we not where you're from? Wait no duh you said I was dead. Interesting. Yeah, we've been dating for a while now. Shocked?"

"Well, yeah, I am."

"Get used to it, Samsquatch. Sucker?" Gabriel held out a candy to him, which Sam declined. "Here it is," Gabe murmured around his candy.

They arrived at an everyday-looking cafe, where Sam was disoriented to see himself sitting outside at, perusing a menu.

"Hey babe!" Gabriel called, waving boldly and jogging up to him, Sam close behind.

The Other Sam rolled his eyes, putting down his menu. "Gabe, quit calling me-" his eyes landed upon Sam. "Is that me? Did you make a clone?! Gabriel, I told you you couldn't-"

"Relax, Sammy. It's you from another dimension. No big."

"Riiiight. Well um, other me, pull up a chair."

Gabriel sat beside Other Sam and Sam remarked, "There are already three chairs."

"Well yes, one's for my wife."

"Your... Your wife???"

"Of course. Wait, let me guess. Gabe told you we were together?"

Sam laughed and pulled up a chair. "He did, but I guess I should've known."

As if on cue, a blonde girl came up behind Other Sam and kissed him on the cheek. "Hey, honey," she cooed.

Sam took one look at her and felt his heart stop. "Jessica?"

Her eyes met his and she gave him a kind smile. "Hello. I'm afraid I don't remember you. Are you one of Sam's friends?"

Sam looked down at himself to discover he looked completely different. "I... I um..."

"He's my boyfriend," Gabriel chirped in. Sam looked at him and he winked back.

Jessica laughed, and God how Sam had missed that sound. "Well I'm glad he's found someone other than Sam to flirt with." She took the last seat at the table. "Are you coming with us to the game afterwards? I didn't catch your name."

"It's um... Bobby. And I have some work stuff I have to do."

"He wouldn't miss it for the world. Right, babe?" Gabriel looked at him pointedly.

"Looks like I am going to the game after all."

Jessica smiled her winning smile at him. "Great! You know, Sam's dad is named Bobby, too."

Sam couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice when he said, "Dad?"

Other Sam gave him a small smile. "Well, adoptive father, but he's been more of a dad than John ever was so that's what we call him."

"Oh."

They continued talking amicably all through the lunch before Jessica exclaimed, "We need to get going or we'll be late!"

"Hun, our seats aren't going anywhere, you know that."

"I know... But I want to be there with plenty of time to spare!"

Gabriel graciously paid the bill and they began walking towards the ballpark. Sam let himself and Gabriel fall far enough behind that they could talk.

"Gabe, I really need to find this god and get back to my dimension."

"Relax, Samster. We have plenty of time. I can zap you back whenever I want. But what I want right now is for you to enjoy yourself. Sheesh, I can literally see the stress coming off you. Take the day off. Learn some stuff while you're here. Kiss me if ya feel like it," Gabriel finished with a wink.

"Unlikely," Sam mumbled. Still, he thought, a day of relaxation wouldn't hurt him. And he was curious to see how much things would've changed if he had had a different past.

They made it to the baseball field, and Other Sam showed some sort of pass and let all four of them in. Instead of going to their seats, however, they went to the locker rooms.

"Number 42!" Other Sam called out in a fake deep voice, causing Jess to giggle.

A man in a helmet ran up to them. "Reporting for duty!" He saluted Other Sam before removing his helmet, revealing a very familiar grin.

"Dean?!" Sam exclaimed.

Dean looked over to Sam. "Hey man! Let me guess. Gabriel finally got a boyfriend?"

"Correctamundo!" Gabriel responded, happily looping his arm through Sam's. "This is Bobby!"

Dean stuck out his hand. "Well I'll be damned. My dad's name is Bobby!"

Sam shook his hand in wonder, a grin growing across his face. "So I've been told. So you play baseball? For-" Sam glanced at his jersey and almost choked, "-the Yankees?"

Other Sam scoffed. "Puh-lease. He WINS for the Yankees. He's their star player. Made history, actually."

"Pssh. I'm just part of a great team. Hey, are you all going to Dad's tonight for burgers?"

"Wouldn't miss it," Jess responded.

"Awesome. I gotta get ready, so I'll see you all there! Especially you," Dean said, indicating Sam. "Gabriel better keep you. I've been telling him for YEARS that he needs to settle down."

"The married life ain't for all of us, Deanie Baby."

"You just ain't found the right guy yet. Or maybe you just did." Dean winked at Sam before jogging off back into the locker room.

The four made their way into the stands, taking four freaking amazing seats that were already reserved. As if reading Sam's mind, Gabriel whispered, "We had one person that couldn't make it for this game, so lucky you."

"Yeah, lucky me."

Sam watched in fascination as the crowd went wild when Dean jogged up to bat. He hit an immediate home run and casually ran the bases.

"So, you said he made history?" Sam asked Gabriel once the commotion died down.

"I didn't, but yeah. He has the highest batting average in baseball history but that's not really the big one."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the guy that couldn't make it is Dean's husband. He's the first openly gay man in baseball."

Sam took another look at his brother, at the complete happiness on his face as he rounded back to home.

"Well, good! I'm happy for him!"

"Yep." Gabriel clicked his tongue. "Too bad he didn't keep the name, though. Winchester sounds so... Badass."

"What's it now?"

"Didn't you even look at his jersey?"

"I was a little busy looking at the word 'Yankees' on it."

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Then listen you dork."

Sam tuned his ears to the speakers, where he heard the announcer rambling on. "That makes the eleventh home run this season, folks! If he keeps this up, he will break yet another record! There is just no stopping Mr. Dean Novak!"

"He's married to Castiel?"

Gabriel studied Sam. "You know, I am curious what exactly is happening in your dimension where you know us angels but aren't married to Jessica and Dean doesn't play baseball. Yes, he is."

"Generally, if anything bad could happen, it is over there."

"Hm."

They watched the rest of the game in relative silence, mostly just cheering loudly for Dean. Gabriel tried to gain the attention of the kiss cam to no avail. The game ended with the Yankees winning, and the four of them in terrific moods.

Other Sam drove the lot of them to Bobby's house, which wasn't the shack that Sam remembered. It was a nice townhouse with a large garage and a pretty orchard that Sam was sure Bobby had no say in. Gabriel caught Sam staring and whispered, "Dean bought him this house with his baseball money. He's kinda really rich and doesn't know what to do with it all."

They went inside and Bobby greeted them at the door, hugging Other Sam tight and kissing Jess on the cheek. He rolled his eyes at Gabriel but smiled anyways. "I'm gonna take a guess and say you're this idjit's boyfriend."

"Yeah, hi. My name is Bobby, too."

Bobby laughed. "Nice to meet ya. Make yourself at home. Jodi and I are cooking burgers and they should be done soon."

"Is Jodi your wife?"

"She is." Bobby gave him a strong shoulder pat and wandered off to the kitchen to help.

"You okay, Samster?" Gabriel asked quietly.

"Yeah I just... He's um, dead where I'm from."

"Oh, I'm sorry. We can go if you want."

"No, no. I want to stay. It's... It's so nice to see everyone so happy."

Gabriel smiled at him. "Good." He took his hand and led him to the living room, where everyone else was gathered.

"There he is!" Dean exclaimed, pointing at Sam. "See, babe? I told you he finally found someone!"

Castiel laughed and held out his hand. "It's nice to se-" He stopped abruptly, looking at Sam curiously. "To... To see Gabriel with somebody." He regarded Sam suspiciously.

Sam shook his hand, locked under Cas's piercing gaze. Gabriel whispered something in his ear and he visibly relaxed, smiling at Sam. "Ah, I see. In that case, welcome." Cas could've been talking about the house, but Sam knew he meant the dimension. "Make yourself at home! And whenever you feel like leaving, we can assist you."

"Thank you," Sam told him honestly.

Dean grabbed Castiel from behind and pulled him down onto the couch with him, snuggling close while also being sure to squish Other Sam and Jessica to their half of the couch. Jessica giggled and shoved back at Dean. Cas finally found a good position sitting on Dean's lap, and Sam watched in somewhat of awe as they shared a chaste kiss.

"I wanna try that too!" Gabriel yelled, and before Sam could stop him had pulled them both down on top of both couples. After a flurry of limbs and a lot of laughter, the six somehow managed to all stay on the couch, Gabriel draped across almost all of them.

Sam couldn't help the goofy grin that seemed to be permanently on his face. Everyone he loved was so happy, and he was actually in some sort of group snuggle and the smell of burgers was wafting from the kitchen and just everything was so perfect. When supper came, he almost didn't want to move, but the opportunity to push an almost-asleep Gabe into the floor proved to be too great of a temptation.

They ate and talked and ate and talked until Sam was sure hours had passed in what felt like minutes. He began to be acutely aware of Dean and Cas whispering excitedly to each other, and it seemed others had noticed too because Jessica finally asked, "Alright you two. What are you plotting?"

They shared a grin before Dean cleared his throat and put on a fake serious face. "We have some important news."

Castiel copied his face. "Yes very important."

"The most important news of our lives."

"Absolutely important."

Gabriel's lips quirked at the edges. "But is it important?"

Dean almost smiled but quickly composed himself. "Very. Here's a picture." He pulled out a photo of what appeared to be a very cute Asian baby.

"Oh look! It's Gabriel before his surgery!" Other Sam joked, earning a few snickers all around and a stuck-out tongue from Gabriel.

Dean and Cas exchanged a sly glance before Cas cleared his throat. "Her name is Bobbi Anne, and we'll be picking her up tomorrow."

The table went silent.

"Wait you're... You're..." Jodi started, unable to find the words.

Cas grasped Dean's hand and the two beamed. "We're adopting her!"

There was a beat of silence, then everyone was clapping and cheering and hugging and Sam had never been happier in his entire life. Jodi rustled up some champagne and they all toasted to the newest Novak.

It was late by the time Other Sam and Jessica hugged their goodbyes and left, Bobby and Jodi retiring to their own room as well. Castiel came to stand by Sam. "I think I would like a full explanation now."

Gabriel nodded at him and Sam felt a weird tingly sensation as he finally looked like himself again.

"What the hell?" he heard Dean exclaim behind him. "Gabe, Sam told you you couldn't make clones!"

"Not a clone, bro. He's from some other dimension. Found him on my way to lunch today."

Dean looked to Cas for confirmation, and Cas nodded. "I knew immediately, but Gabriel promised he wouldn't cause any harm."

Sam looked to Dean. "I know this must be a lot for you to take in, but- wait, you... You know about angels?"

Dean raised an eyebrow at him. "Um, duh. I was raised by John for a few awful years. I did stop the apocalypse."

Sam stared at Dean, slack-jawed. "How did you stop the apocalypse?"

"We got Michael and Lucifer to talk it out. Plain and simple. Sam and I were like, moderators instead of vessels."

"It was that easy? We never thought of that."

"Well what did you do?"

Sam flinched. "I um, I said yes and jumped into the cage with Lucifer inside me."

Everyone in the room stared at him in horror. "What the actual fuck," Gabriel finally exclaimed.

"Yeah it sucked, hey um, how can I get back to my dimension?"

Dean held up a hand. "Hold it. This sounds like something you really shouldn't just brush off. I'll get us a couple of beers and we can talk about it?"

Dean was out of the room before Sam could form a coherent answer to that.

"Come, Sam. Let's sit. When Dean starts asking questions, it always takes a while." Castiel looped his arm through Sam's and led him to the couch, Gabriel sitting on the other side of Cas.

"My Dean refuses to talk about... Anything."

Gabriel arched an eyebrow. "Well, THAT sounds really healthy."

"I know. I worry about him."

Dean entered the room again, holding four beers and handing them out before plopping down beside Sam.

"Novak Brews?" Sam read aloud.

Dean shrugged, taking a sip of his beer. "We have a microbrewery. I normally wouldn't self-sell like this but it's all Dad has."

Sam took a tentative sip. "Okay wow this is really good."

Dean laughed. "Well I should hope so, that's the brew we invented for yours and Jess's wedding." Dean took one look at Sam and sat up from where he had slouched down. "Oh hey man, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," slipped out before Sam could even think about it. Castiel groaned and leaned back against the couch.

"No offense, Sam, but words like that will get you nowhere with this Dean. He has some intrinsic motivation to find the root of everyone's pain and help them through it."

Sam sighed. "Okay, fine. Um, in my dimension, Jessica died."

"That's harsh, man. How did she die?" Dean looked at him with nothing but complete understanding and concern.

Sam smiled wryly. "She burned to death on the ceiling above me."

Everyone was quiet. "Like Mom," Dean finally said.

"Yeah, actually. Same demon and everything."

Castiel paused mid-sip. "How do you know that?"

"What?"

"How do you know it was the same demon?"

"Um, we hunted it?"

"We who?" Dean demanded.

"What do you mean? Me, Dean, and Dad."

"Can't be. Dad would never make us hunt that thing."

"Um, sorry, but Bobby didn't adopt us in our dimension. Not officially."

Dean's eyes looked slightly hollow, and Gabriel had to pipe up. "So by Dad you mean John."

"Of course."

There was silence, then "I'll go get the whiskey beers" from Castiel.

Dean let out a long breath and took the proffered beer from Cas. "That explains a lot, Sammy. How long did you and Dean live with John?"

"Well, I left when I was eighteen for college, but Dean stayed with him until he was about 26."

Dean choked on his beer. "What?!"

"Um, I said 18 and 26."

"Alright Sammy here's the deal. We need to figure out EXACTLY where our stories diverge. Bobby adopted us when you were about eleven. What happened in your world then?"

"Eleven? Um, we had a few hunts I'm sure but I think that was the year I ran away for a while?"

Dean nodded. "Yep, happened here, too. Tell me about that night."

"Okay, well, Dean found me and we went back to the motel with Dad. That's really about it."

"He wasn't hurt?"

"What?"

"Dean. Was he hurt."

"I mean, he said he ran into a werewolf so a little? Not bad for a werewolf."

Everyone exchanged glances, leaving Sam just a little pissed. "Okay if everyone could stop keeping whatever this secret is from me that would be great."

Castiel was the first to speak up, but he was talking to Dean. "He said his version of you doesn't talk about things. It's... It's possible he never found out."

Dean was quiet for a while. "What happened to him?"

"Dad?"

"John."

"He died. He sold his soul to save you."

Gabriel murmured, "That doesn't sound like John."

Sam laughed bitterly. "Don't get me wrong, the man was a bastard. I think he was trying to make up for all the shit he said to you."

"Said to me, huh?" Something dark passed over Dean's eyes.

"Yeah you... You really hate yourself, in my world. I mostly blame him. He made you nothing more than a soldier. He was neglectful and emotionally abusive, honestly, and somehow made you believe that everything was your fault."

Dean pursed his lips and nodded. "So your Dean never told you how?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean John had a method. Did Dean never tell you about it?"

Sam looked at Cas and Gabriel, who were studiously not meeting his eyes, then back at Dean. "Um, no, he didn't."

Dean nodded again, mostly to himself, and took a long pull off his bottle. "John Winchester was a physically abusive son of a bitch who told me that I was nothing every damn day. The night you ran away was the scariest night of my life, because if we lost you on my watch..." Dean laughed bitterly. "Then I knew he wouldn't hesitate to kill me."

"N-no... That's not true..."

"Why? Because he was our dad? When he found out you were gone, he told me that if I didn't find you he would make sure no one ever found me, either. He didn't want me scratched up enough that you questioned me, though, so he ran off to find you himself, and I broke down and called Bobby for help. Bobby just happened to be in the neighborhood and we tracked you down together. I think he always suspected John was beating me, but without any proof he wasn't about to snatch us away. I gave him enough proof that night that he confronted John and told him he had two choices. Either he surrendered custody of us to him, or Bobby would tell the police that the man from the FBI's most wanted list was in town. John chose the former."

Sam was speechless, so Dean continued. "It was a long time before I ever told you, but Bobby taught me that holding stuff inside was how a man ended up like John. Bobby raised us right. He was an actual father. We stopped hunting and led a normal life, and by the time Heaven and Hell wanted their big showdown, Bobby had taught us well enough that we recognized the signs of people who held in their feelings. You became a lawyer. I became a baseball player. This is the happiest life I could think of. Hell, even Cas has a happy life now that Heaven is all in order again. So if you're telling me that your Dean lived with John for twenty-six years, well, then I don't know how he's still around." Dean finished with a swig of his drink.

"No, Dean would've told me if that had happened. Maybe it happened here. There's no way it happened there."

Dean shrugged. "Whatever floats your boat, man. I'm out of beer, so if you're ready to go back, I'm sure Gabe can oblige."

"I have to find the-"

Gabriel held up his hand. "Sammy, we've got it handled. I'll go talk to the guy. It sounds like you need to get back and have a heart to heart with Deanie Weanie."

Sam couldn't find any words, so he just nodded.

"It was nice seeing ya, Sammy," Gabriel told him before kissing his cheek.

Sam was about to push Gabriel away when he realized Gabe wasn't around anymore. He was standing right where he had left his world, in the dead of night. He sighed to himself and began the long trek back to the motel.

He knocked on the motel door, which swung open to reveal a very relieved Castiel and a Dean buried up to his nose in books.

"Holy hell, Sam!" Dean exclaimed, running over to hug him. "What happened?"

"Different dimension," Sam muttered, mind still lost on his conversation with the other Dean.

"Did ya gank the guy? We've been up since you disappeared, researching stuff about-"

"Did Dad abuse you?"

Dean stopped talking, stopped moving, even, and stared at Sam. "What?"

"John Winchester. Did he beat you?"

Dean forced out a laugh. "What kind of question is that?"

"One that needs an answer."

Dean swallowed heavily and looked to Cas with pleading eyes. Cas held up his hands. "Not my conversation," Cas told him, backing away.

"You're family so yes, Cas, it IS your conversation and I expect you to stay here for the whole thing." There was fire in Sam's eyes as he talked. "Dean, answer me."

Dean couldn't force any words out, so he nodded his head slightly.

"Dammit, Dean," Sam breathed before hugging his brother tightly. "No more secrets, okay? That goes for all of us. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"No more lying, either."

"Everything hurts and I'm dying."

There was just enough sarcasm in Dean's voice that Sam laughed a little and let him go before addressing him and Cas. "No more secrets from now on. We are all revealing any secret we've kept from the others, got it? Right now. I'll start. I had a pretty massive crush on Gabriel."

Castiel's eyebrows shot up. "My brother?"

"Yep. Dean?"

Dean looked uncomfortable, so Sam continued. "How about my darkest secret then. When you died and went to Purgatory, I thought you had gone to Heaven, so I never went to look for you. But life without you was hell, so I thought, if you couldn't come to me, I'd go to you. There was no one I needed to leave a note for, so I got in the car and drove towards an old bridge I knew of. I was almost there when that dog ran out in front of me and I hit him. I felt like I had to save him. But I guess he saved me."

Dean looked at Sam with wide eyes.

"I was never ordered to save you," Castiel said quietly to Dean. "I had admired you for a long time from heaven, and when you went to hell I went to save you without telling anybody. I was never supposed to."

Dean sighed. "Fuck, I don't know. You already know about Dad. Somehow. How did you know?"

"Tell you later. Right now we're sharing."

Dean stared at Sam for a long time before he finally opened his mouth. "I didn't know what was in the second syringe. I was really hoping it wouldn't work, and was relieved when it didn't."

Sam nodded at him. "It's something we can all work through, together. It's okay, Dean. We still love you."

"Always," Cas echoed.

Dean smiled a little at both of them. "Okay, are we done with this chick-flick moment yet?"

"Not yet. You and Cas still haven't admitted to being in a secret relationship."

"...WHAT?!"

Sam quickly learned that he was wrong about that one little detail.

**Author's Note:**

> Guys I kinda love this AU and if someone wants to use it please do and then send me the story so I can read it too!!!


End file.
